Tuesday, January 29, 2013

How to Stop Fighting: Tips for Married Couples

How to Stop Fighting: Tips for Married Couples Skip to content WebMD: Better information. Better health. Enter Search Keywords. Use the arrow keys to navigate suggestions. Health A-Z

Common Conditions

View All ADD/ADHD Allergies Arthritis Cancer Cold, Flu & Cough Depression Diabetes Eye Health Heart Disease Heartburn/GERD Pain Management Sexual Conditions Skin Problems Sleep Disorders

Featured Topics

Identifying Bugs and Their Bites Bothered by Yeast Infections? The Worst Shoes for Your Feet Health concern on your mind?

See what your medical symptoms could mean, and learn about possible conditions.

Learn More

Resources

WebMD Expert Blogs: Read expert views and commentary on popular health topics. WebMD Communities: Connect with people like you, and get expert guidance on living a healthy life. WebMD Physician Directory: Find a doctor in your area.

WebMD Pain Coach

WebMD pain app Track your pain levels, triggers, and treatments. Set goals and get tips with our app for iPhone. Drugs & Supplements

Find Information About:

Drugs & Supplements

Get information and reviews on prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications, vitamins, and supplements. Search by name or medical condition.

Find or Review a Drug Find or Review a Vitamin or Supplement Find Drug Coupons Drug Basics & Safety

Commonly Abused Drugs What's Your Medication IQ? Food, Medical Product & Cosmetic Safety Having trouble identifying your pills?

Enter the shape, color, or imprint of your prescription or OTC drug. Our pill identification tool will display pictures that you can compare to your pill.

Learn More

Drug News

Get the Latest Drug Approvals & Alerts Find FDA Consumer Updates Sign up to receive WebMD's award-winning content delivered to your inbox. FDA Approves Diet Pill Belviq FDA Delays Decision on Blood Thinner Eliquis

WebMD Mobile Drug Information App

WebMD logo Drug, supplement, and vitamin information on the go. Living Healthy

Featured Content

Women with hair wrapped in towel Want luxurious locks?

WebMD cuts through the hype to reveal the best kept secrets for healthy hair.

Living Healthy at a Glance

Living Healthy Centers

View All grilled salmon and vegetables Diet, Food & Fitness

Weight Loss & Diet Plans Food & Recipes Fitness & Exercise man and woman smiling Beauty, Balance & Love

Healthy Beauty Health & Balance Sex & Relationships Oral Care women doing yoga Living Well

Women's Health Men's Health Aging Well Teens

Featured Topics

BMI Calculator: Get Personalized Results Portion Size Plate: Easy Serving Size Guide Your Birth Control Options 19 Secrets Men Wish Women Knew Quiz: Weird, Crazy Dreams Food & Fitness Planner: Personalize Your Weight Loss Plan

WebMD the Magazine App

WebMD the Magazine logo Get every issue of WebMD the Magazine with a free subscription for your iPad. Family & Pregnancy

Featured Content

Family at airport Traveling abroad?

Protect yourself and your family by learning which health precautions and vaccines are advised for your destination.

Family & Pregnancy at a Glance

Family and Pregnancy Centers

pregnant woman Pregnancy Trying to Conceive First Trimester Second Trimester Third Trimester mom, dad, and baby Parenting Newborn & Baby Children's Health Children's Vaccines Raising Fit Kids Mom's Guide to Food and Fitness Cat and dog on grass Pets Healthy Cats Healthy Dogs

Featured Topics

Know the Signs of Early Pregnancy? Test Your Smarts: What's Safe to Eat When You're Pregnant? Peek Inside the Womb to See How Baby Grows Healthy School Lunches Quiz: Know How to Avoid The Next Toddler Meltdown? WebMD Vaccine Tracker: Manage Vaccinations for Your Entire Family

WebMD Baby App

WebMD Baby App logo Get parenting tips, track schedules, and create a mobile baby book. News & Experts

News

View All WebMD logo Today's Top Health Headlines WebMD logo Get the Latest Drug Approvals & Alerts Find FDA Consumer Updates On The Road Again: FDA Mobile Laboratories Sign up to receive WebMD's award-winning content delivered to your inbox.

WebMD Health Experts and Community

Talk to health experts and other people like you in WebMD's Communities. It's a safe forum where you can create or participate in support groups and discussions about health topics that interest you.

WebMD Experts & Blogs

Read expert views and commentary on popular health topics. WebMD Communities

Connect with people like you, and get expert guidance on living a healthy life.

Got a health question? Get answers provided by leading organizations, doctors, and experts.

Get Answers

WebMD Newsletters

closeup of newsletter Sign up to receive WebMD's award-winning content delivered to your inbox. My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up

My WebMD Sign In

Please enter email address

Enter your password

Keep me signed in on this computer Show more Information If you select "Keep me signed in on this computer", every time you visit WebMD.com you won't have to type your email address and password. This means that a cookie will stay on your computer even when you exit or close your browser which may reduce your levels of privacy and security. You should never select this option if you're using a publicly accessible computer, or if you're sharing a computer with others. Even if you select this option there are some features of our site that still require you to log in for privacy reasons.

Forget your password? Having trouble signing in?

Why should I
sign up for WebMD?

With a WebMD Account you can:

Track your way to weight loss success Manage your family's vaccinations Join the conversation See more benefits Sign Up Why WebMD? Show Menu My Tools My WebMD Pages My Account Sign Out Pinterest WebMD Home next page Health & Sex Center next page Health & Sex Feature Stories Email a FriendPrint Article Health & Sex Tools & ResourcesFight ED With Exercise Sex Quiz: Fact or Fiction?Infidelity Quiz: Who Cheats?Sex and Dating After Divorce Low Testosterone ExplainedMale Orgasms: How They Change webmd.m.share.init(); Font Size A A A webmd.m.fontSizer.init(); Fight Fairly and Keep the Peace in Your Relationship 7 dispute diffusers and tips for improving the way you argue. ByDiane Lore
WebMD Feature Reviewed byKimball Johnson, MD

Becky Robbins says she and her husband, Neil -- married for eight years -- rarely fight.

That doesn't mean that there isn't conflict. It's just that she screams "kind of like the queen in Alice in Wonderland," uttering phrases reminiscent of "off with their heads." Neil responds like most guys in marriage fights. He hides in "the bedroom playing video games."

Recommended Related to Sex & Relationships Experts Solve Major Love Disasters (Their Own)

By Celeste Perron  They teach women to have better sex, stronger relationships, and fewer fights about money, yet the women you'll meet here didn't have all the answers, especially when it came to their own marriages. Now they tell us what they learned the hard way - and how it can help you.

Read the Experts Solve Major Love Disasters (Their Own) article > >

"Everyone in a relationship argues," Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress, says. "However, how loudly you scream or how frequently you fight does not predict the outcome of your marriage."

What qualifies as fighting fair in marriage essentially comes down to how each partner feels when they leave the ring. If both are hearty "boxers" who love a few rounds in the ring and then are ready for some make-up sex, the marriage is probably fine.

But if people leave the ring angry, bitter, and resentful, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate, either together or with the help of a therapist or psychologist.

How to Keep the Peace

Experts on wedded bliss -- some with the pedigree of education and others with the scars of experience -- have recommended the following strategies for smoothing things over:

Go to bed angry. Several therapists and couples say forget that adage about always resolving anger before turning in -- and let someone sleep on the couch. "We've found that going to bed angry is often the best choice," says Lisa Earle McLeod, author and a 23-year marriage veteran. "It allows partners to clear their thoughts, get some sleep, and make a date to resume the fight (which might seem less important in the light of day)." Take a break. Even a 30-second break can help a couple push the reset button on a fight, licensed clinical counselor Timothy Warneka says. "Stop, step out of the room, and reconnect when everyone's a little calmer." Own up to your part of the fight. Melody Brooke, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says two things derail intense fights: admitting what you did to get your partner ticked off and expressing empathy toward your partner. Brooke, author of The Blame Game, says this can be difficult but is typically extremely successful. "Letting down our defenses in the heat of battle seems counterintuitive, but it is actually very effective with couples." Find the humor. Pamela Bodley and her husband have been married 23 years, "and Lord knows it [wasn't] easy in the early years," she says. "But it's much, much better now. We have a great sense of humor." Her husband Paul has kept the mood light by always saying he knows women keep skillets in their purse. So when he does something wrong, Bodley says, "I just pretend to hit him over the head with a skillet and say, 'TING!'" Shut up and touch. Brooke says there's a point where discussing the matter doesn't help. So couples need to just hold each other when nothing else seems to be working. "Reconnecting through touch is very important." Ban the "but." Jane Straus, author of Enough is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life, says couples often derail a resolution when they acknowledge the other partner's position and then add a "but" in their next breath, reaffirming their own. An example: "I can understand why you didn't pick up the dishes in the family room, but why do you think I'm the maid?" Remember what's important. "We soon realized that we don't have two beings in a marriage," Jacqueline Freeman says. "We actually have three: me, my husband, and the marriage. And we have to take good care of all three. So if we've been arguing about whose fault it is that the house is so messy, I might defend myself saying I was busy working on a project that will bring in more income, and he might say he was busy fixing something on the house that was broken. We used to be able to carry on a conversation like this for quite some time. But over the years, we seem to have developed a 15-minute timer for arguing. [Then] one of us will suddenly remember the key question: What's best for the marriage?" 1 | 2 Next Page > #url_reference {display: none};#url_reference { display: block; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10px; }#logo_rdr img { visibility: visible; }.titleBar_rdr .titleBarMiddle_fmt { padding-top: 1.5em !important;} Top Picks When Sex Triggers 'Accidents' What's New in Sex Therapy Antidepressants: Sexual Side Effects and More Getting Intimate: Talking Together About ED Is Your Mouth Kissably Healthy? Find Out How Diabetes Affects A Woman's Sexual Health Further Reading: How often do married people have sex? Is Your Marriage Bliss, or a Miss? What Does "For Worse" Look Like? What Your Friend's Divorce Means for Your Marriage The 'Good Enough' Marriage First Marriages Often End in Divorce Moving In: Rarely a Trial Marriage Anymore See All Marriage Topics Marriage Home Medical Reference Features Video Slideshows & Images WebMD Answers Quizzes Expert Commentary News Archive Health & Sex Home Health & Sex News Health & Sex Reference Health & Sex Videos Sexual Health Community Health & Sex Questions and Answers Health & Sex Glossary Guide Health & Sex Guide 1 Just the Facts 2 Sex, Dating, & Marriage 3 Love Better 4 Expert Insights 5 Sex and Health 6 Help & Support Living Healthy Centers Balance Family & Pregnancy Living Healthy Men’s Health Pet Health Raising Fit Kids Teen Health Women’s Health Top 12 Concerns 1. Dating Ideas 2. Oral Sex 3. Better Sex 4. Low Libido 5. Marriage Tips 6. Sex: Fact or Fiction 7. Erection Killers 8. Sexy Massage 9. Penis Facts 10. Sex Mistakes 11. Yeast Infections 12. Toxic Marriage? Related to Sex Erectile Dysfunction Genital Herpes HIV/AIDS HPV/Genital Warts Infertility & Reproduction Low T & Sex Drive Sexual Conditions Sexual Health Teens and Sex More Related Topics Today in Sex & Relationships flowers behind back Article 6 Secrets to Get in the Mood Upset woman sitting on bed Article How to Handle Bad Sex   couple kissing Article 10 Reasons Why Sex Is Good for You Exercises for Better Sex Video Exercises for Better Sex   Life Cycle of a Penis Article How Age Affects a Penis HIV Myth Facts Slideshow Top Myths About HIV   How Healthy is Your Sex Life Quiz Sex: Fact or Fiction Couple in bed Video Common Women's Sexual Problems   6 Tips For Teens Article Are You in Love? 6 Tips for Teens Close-up of young man Article Antidepressants: Sexual Side Effects and More   screening tests for men Slideshow A Visual Guide to ED HPV Vaccine Future Article Facts About the HPV Vaccine   Subscribe to WebMD Newsletters

WebMD Daily Women's Health Men's Health Weight Loss Wisdom I have read and agree to WebMD's Privacy Policy. Sign up for more topics! WebMD Special Sections How Low Testosterone Affects Health, Mood, and Sex Health Solutions From Our Sponsors Vaccine Questions? Low Testosterone? Diabetes Care for Kids Birth Control for Moms Crohn's Disease Help Depression Treatment Diagnosed With Low T? Fibromyalgia & Exercise Hearing Aid Alternative Insulin Pump Therapy Vaccines for All Ages Bent Fingers? Is It Depression? Treating Fibromyalgia Advanced Prostate Cancer? In-depth coverage: Psoriasis Treatment on Target?|Healthy Mouth Help|RA Assessment|Living Healthy Guide|Family & Pregnancy Toolbox|Check Your Heartburn Symptoms Find us on:URAC: Accredited Health Web SiteTRUSTe online privacy certificationHonCode: Health on the Net FoundationAdChoicesAbout WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact UsMedscape Reference eMedicineHealth RxList Medscape MedicineNet BootsWebMD WebMD CorporateFirst Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory

©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.


View the original article here

One Direction arrive at Narita International Airport in Japan


One Direction got into the local swing of things when they touched down in Tokyo yesterday, donning matching red costumes and taking a bow on the latest leg of their promotional world tour.

Continue reading...

View the original article here

Girls’ Lena Dunham opens up about boyfriend Jack Antonoff


Girls star Lena Dunham has opened up about her relationship with fun. guitarist Jack Antonoff.

Continue reading...

View the original article here

How to Travel Through 20+ Countries with Free Room and Board


Casey Fenton founded Couchsurfing.org, which connects millions of travelers with free accommodation around the world. (Photo by Alexandra Liss)

I met Alexandra Liss on a rainy day last September, outside of one of my favorite Thai restaurants in San Francisco.

Alex had just returned from six months abroad, traveling through 21 countries for free while shooting her full-length documentary, One Couch at a Time. She was wrapping up the film and had requested an interview with me.

Our topic of discussion? The Sharing Economy.

Startups that are part of this “sharing economy” — like TaskRabbit, AirBNB, Uber, and Sidecar — have given us unprecedented access to incredible experiences and resources, allowing many people to completely upgrade their lifestyles. By capitalizing on underused resources and new technology, people can live many strata above their income. In Alex’s case, she was able to raise $8,000 through Kickstarter to crowdfund her travel and the making of her film. She also lived rent-free during those six months, staying with more than 80 different strangers she’d met through Couchsurfing.org.

In this post, Alex shares exactly how she’s managed to become a couchsurfing guru, and the steps you can take to travel the world on next to no budget…

I love the look people get on their face the first time they hear about Couchsurfing.

I might mention how I’ll be hosting a revolutionary leader from Egypt, or that I’ll be crashing in the heart of the Amazon on a stranger’s couch. They inevitably tilt their heads like confused puppies.

Of course, once they’ve experienced Couchsurfing and understand how it works, their whole attitude changes. Nearly all of them end up loving it. Me? I can’t get enough of it.

After six months of sleeping in 80 different homes — staying with people I’d never met — I can definitively say that Couchsurfing has enriched my life more than anything else. In fact, I believe this site is changing our entire world for the better, one couch at a time.

Couchsurfing.org is an online hospitality network that connects travelers to free places to stay all over the world. There are more than 4 million globetrotters and backpackers, in 80,000 cities, who want to share their homes and time with you… at no cost!


Couchsurfers are all over the world. This map shows the areas with the highest concentration of members.

A great host can offer a fellow surfer some of the richest experiences of their lives — and vice versa — all without a euro, rupee, dinar, peso, yen, shilling, or dollar being exchanged. Simply for the love of hanging out with a kindred soul.

Couchsurfing has brought more amazing people and incredible adventures into my life than I can count. Thanks to my hosts, I’ve met Peruvian Shamans, zipped through Ho-Chi Minh, taken boat rides in the delta of Maun, hiked to hidden spots in Victoria Falls, sat VIP during the Spanish Valladolid finals, ridden horses on an Afrikaans farm… The list goes on and on.

The bonds that form through Couchsurfing are on a completely different level from those that arise in hostels. Hosts will go out of their way to pick surfers up at the airport, open up their homes, cook exotic meals, and share their world. They can also readily show you the hidden gems in their city, unearthing attractions that you’d never find in a ‘Lonely Planet’ book. If you’ve ever wanted to get the Anthony Bourdain VIP treatment, Couchsurfing is for you.

But it’s not just the surfers who benefit; being a host can be tremendously rewarding, as well. For instance, my hosts in Morocco, Vietnam, and Brazil all use CouchSurfing as a means to improve their English. Others simply enjoy meeting new people and hearing interesting stories from the road. I get just as much enjoyment out of showing travelers around my city as I do being hosted. My appreciation for San Francisco is instantly revitalized whenever I see the wide-eyed look on a grateful CouchSurfer’s face, looking upon a site they’ve only seen in the movies.

Whether you’re hosting or surfing, it’s a win-win for both parties.

Everyone has a fair amount of skepticism when they first hear about Couchsurfing. The number one question I get from people is: “What if you stay with an axe murderer?”

My friend Eric, who hosted me in Paris, had this to say about the perceived “dangers” of Couchsurfing:

“When I first heard about CouchSurfing, I thought to myself, ‘There is no way am I going to stay with strangers and get raped, robbed, and murdered.’ But I was curious enough about the concept, so I did some research and made a profile. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! It completely changed my life and has afforded me to see the world.”

As with anything in life, there are always potential dangers, but most risks can be easily avoided (more on this in the next section). As long as you adhere to community guidelines and use common sense, you are very likely to have great experiences.

Ready to give the Couchsurfer lifestyle a shot? Fantastic!

Here’s my advice for anyone who wants to travel rent-free…

Your profile is your key to the Couchsurfer’s kingdom. It allows hosts to learn about and trust you before meeting, and it will be a magnet for other fun surfers wanting to connect. It will behoove you to invest enough time and energy into building an awesome profile.

Here’s a screenshot of mine:

I cannot stress enough how important it is to accurately represent yourself. There’s no use in trying to be someone you’re not, or being bashful about your spiritual beliefs or diet preferences. If something is really important to you, then tell people! Show the community who you really are! The more information you can provide other members with, the better odds of everyone having positive exchanges.

Here’s what you’ll need to do in order to create a great profile:

Register on Couchsurfing.org. After signing up, you’ll be asked if you’d like to verify your profile with a contribution. You can skip this part for now (we’ll cover it in “Step 2: Verify Your Profile”) and begin creating your profile right away. Just click your name in the top left corner, then click ‘Profile.’Post 5-10 pictures of yourself. We are visual animals, so don’t be afraid to upload a bunch of fun photos of yourself (ideally from any global excursions you’ve been on). Make sure the photos are interesting or remarkable, which gives fellow surfers material to start a conversation with you.Fill out your profile. There are a lot of fields to complete, but don’t worry! You don’t have to complete everything all at once. Fill out as much as you can, then polish up the rest when you’re up to it. [Since I host a lot of surfers, I included a note in my profile to spell the word “couch” correctly when messaging me. You’d be surprised how many people request to stay on your “coach.”]

If you’re already feeling overwhelmed with the task at hand, relax! Spend some time looking at other members’ profiles, take notes on what you like and dislike, then emulate your favorites when you’re ready to get started. And if you need a starting point, here’s my profile. Feel free to use it as a cheat sheet!

There are two primary methods for verifying your profile, which are designed to increase security and trust with members on the site. Both are technically optional, but I can assure you that you’ll have a much harder time getting started without having one or both of these:

Personal references. Ask a few of your friends to leave a positive reference for you, which shows the community that you are a worthwhile person to host or surf with. If none of your friends have profiles on Couchsurfing, check out some of the local activities and meet up with couchsurfers in your area. Let them know you just joined the site, and after you’ve made a few friends, kindly ask if they’d be willing to vouch for you.Credit card verification. As mentioned in Step 1, you can pay a contribution to “lock in” your name and address. You’ll be mailed a postcard in 1-2 weeks with a code that you can enter into the site.

Members trust members who have been verified, so do not skip this step!

Now that you have the two most important pieces in play, it’s time to get the ball rolling. Click ‘Surf’ or ‘Host’ in the site’s navigation bar, enter in your destination, and begin looking through the list of members in the area.

You can also set a number of filters to improve your search results, including:

- Age
- Gender
- Language
- Keywords (e.g. “vegetarian filmmaker”)
- Has photos
- Has been verified
- Most recent login
- Apartment is wheelchair accessible

Take some time to go through all the profiles in these results. It reallys pay off to thoroughly examine a potential host’s/surfer’s profile before you decide to contact them. That means reading their description, scanning their photos, and going through each of their references. Some hosts will want to hang out with surfers; others are short on free time. Some hosts own three cats, or they need to wake up at 5:30 AM… Whatever the case, you can easily avoid mishaps and unpleasant experiences by figuring out what their expectations are of you.

Couchsurfing’s official recommendations for finding compatible hosts and surfers.

Although the chances of an ax murderer hosting or surfing with you is slim-to-none, I always always ALWAYS read people’s profiles diligently. I do not share interests in “making hair dolls” or “watching you sleep,” so I do my best to steer clear of members who could pose a problem.

Once you’ve found a fellow Couchsurfer whose expectations and priorities appear to be aligned with yours, it’s time to reach out!

The purpose of your first message is to show the recipient how great it would be for you two to connect (it is NOT to immediately reserve a free couch). If you can successfully show that you’re someone they have to meet, a friendly dialogue will begin and you can make plans from there.

Here are a few ways you can create legendary requests:

Make it personal. This is absolutely essential. No matter how many requests you send out, every single one should be custom-tailored for its recipient (cut-and-paste CouchRequests are so obvious!)Create a video request. If you really want to stand out, record a video with the camera on your computer and appeal to your host directly. Upload it to Youtube as an unlisted video, then send them the link. This might take longer than writing a message, but it gives them a much better idea of how well you’ll get along and improves your chances of being accepted.Write a catchy headline. Include something about who you are and/or how you want to connect. For instance, one surfer sent me a request during a very busy week. She grabbed my attention in her title (“SOS Fellow Entrepreneur Coming to San Fran!”), then mentioned our similar interests in books and dancing. I made sure to meet up with her the following day!Make it memorable. No one likes boring messages, so include at least one thing in your message that makes you stand out. Mention something you both have in common, suggest cooking them a homemade dinner, talk about your life path or your love for Mario Kart… anything that sets you apart from the crowd.

Be respectful when you reach out to other members. Remember: Surfing is a privilege, not a right. When someone writes a lame request, where they show no interest in their host but free accommodation, it destroys their chances.

Here is an example of what NOT to write in a request:

Hi, my name is Anna, im 20 years old student. I am in New York for summer and am looking for coach. Looking forward to hearing from you – email me on ***@gmail.com

And yes, that is an actual message I received.

The correspondence you have beforehand establishes your connection with this person, so be sure to do it right!

Send CouchRequests to five members, 1-2 weeks prior to your arrival, and you’ll have a couch lined up in no time.

Once your host agrees on having you stay with them, you’ll need to exchange contact and travel information. Here’s what both parties should know…

If you’re surfing:

Confirm your arrival and departure date. Although you might change these dates, it’s always polite to set reasonable parameters. This is CouchSurfing, not CouchLiving, so be clear when you’ll be in and out.Write down your host’s address and phone number, and enter it in your cell phone. I can’t tell you how many times I forgot to charge my phone when entering a new country. When traveling, expect for some type of miscommunication or technology fail.Have a backup plan! Whether it be your creeper meter or inevitable failings of plans – you need to have a back up. You’re in a foreign country and always need safeguards. Make sure you have established contact with a few other CSers who you might be able to call/message in an emergency, as well as the locations of some hostels before you arrive. Also, knowing where the nearest Internet cafes are can help you in a pinch to try to find a new place to stay if necessary.

If you’re hosting:

Send the surfer your address, phone number, and directions to your couch. Include any details about hidden keys or codes to get in (assuming you’re comfortable with this). And if you’re feeling generous, offer to pick them up.Have their couch ready and room tidy.Have a few local recommendations in mind. Your surfer will want to know the must-sees and tastiest dishes. This is your chance to show the best of your hometown!

One more thing… CouchSurfing is NOT a dating site. Don’t make your host or surfer uncomfortable by crossing into OKCupid territory. And yes, I’d be lying if I said I’d never been attracted to a host or surfer. I’m just saying… keep it classy.

Let the surfing begin!

Congratulations, you’re not in Kansas anymore! It’s time to mute your hometown identity and embrace this new culture. This is harder than it sounds at first, but you will quickly get the hang of it.

Here are a few tips to make your time in this new world much more pleasant:

Avoid tourist tendencies. See the spots you want to see, but don’t follow what every tourist does. If your host is willing, let them take you off the beaten path to their favorite local spots. And whatever you do, leave your “I <3 NYC” t-shirt in your bag.

“When in Rome…” If you’re in a different country, curb your ethnocentrism and attempt to assimilate. Learn how to say “hello” and “thank you” in the native language. Respect their customs, try new foods, use the hole-in-the-ground toilet, be willing to go out when you are tired… In short: show your appreciation!

Facebook surgery. You’re traveling, nerd! Peel yourself away from the computer and go explore :) Your friends will withhold their ‘Likes’ of your photos until you return.

If, at any time, you aren’t happy with your CouchSurfer’s behavior, be sure to tell them why. In most cases, the problem will be unintentional or a cultural difference. But if you don’t speak up, your CouchSurfer might never know they’ve bothered you (or vice versa). And if the awkward antlers keep cropping up and lines are repeatedly crossed, it’s your duty to warn the community of your experience in your reference.

In my over 150 CouchSurfing experiences, I have never had to leave a negative reference or had one left about me. However, I’ve had countless instances of cultural misunderstandings and uncomfortable learning experiences. For instance, when I was traveling through Cambodia with my Pakistani friend, Zohra, I thoughtlessly made an off-color comment about terrorism. Whoops. My “sense of humor” was extremely offensive to her, and when I learned about the atrocities she lives with everyday in Pakistan, I realized I’d been watching too many episodes of South Park. Best to leave your amateur hour material at home.

When it’s time to hit the road, make sure that you tidy up and leave your room spick-and-span. If you borrowed anything, double-check that you’ve returned it. If your host isn’t at home when you leave, make sure that you know how to secure the door correctly. Leave a handwritten note or a gift from your home country to say “thanks.”

Last but not least, leave them a thorough reference. If your host treated you well, be sure to write positive things about them so other CouchSurfers will want to stay with them! And if you set the bar with a kick-ass reference, they will usually return the favor.

The age of sharing is just beginning. I’ve experienced first-hand the inspiration and transcendence that regularly takes place, and I plan to be a CouchSurfer for life. I want my future children to grow up around different cultures and instill sharing and exchange. And when I’m too old to travel myself, I’ll be hosting from my rocking chair.

###

Do you have a story about how Couchsurfing or the sharing economy changed your life? Tell us in the comments!

Also, there are two public screenings of One Couch at a Time coming up soon…

- San Francisco - January 17th (tomorrow) @ 6:30PM at The Hub SOMA, 901 Mission St. (Buy tickets here)

- Los Angeles - January 26th @ 6:30PM at Just Cause Entertainment, 4130 Del Ray (Buy tickets here)

We’d love for you to come join us! (If you’d like to request a screening of the film in your city, click here.)

Posted on January 16th, 2013


View the original article here

Diane Kruger out shopping in LA


Browse through Glamour's extensive daily celebrity photo gallery online today. Check out what your favourite celebrity has been up to!

Continue reading...

View the original article here

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart together at Golden Globes afterparty


Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were spotted partying together at a Golden Globes afterparty on Monday night, it has been reported.

Continue reading...

View the original article here

Josh Hutcherson rides a motorbike in Los Angeles


It’s who’s clinging on to him riding on the back of it, we’d love to know. Just a pal, or a new love interest, we wonder?

Continue reading...

View the original article here

Rose Byrne at the I Give It A Year premiere


Rose Byrne wears a merlot coloured vest and matching leather skirt with black heels at the I Give It A Year Sydney premiere - vote on celebrity fashion, style and red carpet looks in GLAMOUR.COM’s Dos and Don’ts

Continue reading...

View the original article here