When Are Children Ready to Date?

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WebMD Feature Reviewed byHansa D. Bhargava, MD

Dating. Parents may joke that it’s an experience they want their child to have -- just not until somewhere around the age of 30.

Seriously, though, when is your child ready to date? Consider this: It's not just about their age.

Slideshow: Sticky Situations for Teen Girls

Figure Out What 'Dating' Means to Your Child

You and your child may see that very differently.

A 6th grade girl may say, "Jacob is my boyfriend," but what does that mean?

"At this age, kids use dating labels but aren’t ready to have much direct one-on-one interaction beyond maybe sitting together at lunch or recess," says Dale Atkins, PhD, a family therapist in New York. "Most of the activity happens in a pack, and communication takes place between friend groups."

By 8th grade, dating probably means talking on the phone and hanging out, usually in groups. By high school, kids are more likely to develop serious romantic attachments.

Notice what "dating" seems to mean to your child and then talk about it. Michelle Anthony, PhD, a developmental psychologist and learning therapist in Denver, suggests an opening line like: “It sounds like a lot of kids are talking about dating now. Is that something you’re interested in?”

If you can't tell what dating means to your kid, try discussing dating as shown on TV shows or in movies that are age-appropriate. For instance, Atkins suggests asking your child why they think someone acted the way they did, and whether they made a good or healthy choice.

Focus on Emotional Maturity More Than Age

It's not just about your child's age. It's your job, as their parent, to figure out if your child is ready to handle the level of dating they have in mind.

Pay attention to how they respond when you start a conversation about dating. “Of course it will probably be uncomfortable for both of you,” Anthony says. “But if he’s so uncomfortable that he gets angry or shuts down or otherwise just can’t continue the conversation, that’s a big sign that he’s not ready for this.” If so, assure your child that there’s no hurry to start dating.

Instead, if they answer your questions or seem eager to date, you can steer the conversation toward reassuring them that these feelings are normal. 

Is your child ready to connect with someone? Are they just trying to keep up with their friends? Are they confident and able to take care of themselves? Would they tell you if something went wrong? Do they look physically more mature than they are, emotionally? "A 12-year-old who looks 16 isn’t ready to date someone who is 16," Anthony says.

Are You Ready?

You may not love the idea of your child beginning to date, but don't try to pretend it’s not happening.

"Parents can be so uncomfortable with the idea of their kid becoming more grown up -- we wish our kids could stay kids," Atkins says. "The problem with that attitude is that your kid still is a kid. And he or she needs your guidance and support right now."

You don’t want them learning the rules of dating from peers or the media, without your input. The more you talk to your kids about what it means to be in a healthy relationship, the more likely they are to experience that, whenever they start dating.

View Article Sources

SOURCES:

Michelle Anthony, PhD, developmental psychologist and learning therapist, Denver; coauthor, Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades, St. Martin's Griffin, 2010.

Dale Atkins, PhD, psychologist specializing in family therapy, New York.

Reviewed on December 12, 2012 © 2012 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved. #url_reference {display: none};#url_reference { display: block; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10px; }#logo_rdr img { visibility: visible; }.titleBar_rdr .titleBarMiddle_fmt { padding-top: 1.5em !important;} Top Picks Bedtime Routines to Keep Kids Dry All Night Why Kids Whine and How to Stop Them How to Get Your Kids to Eat Healthier When to Tell Your Kids About Sex 7 Tips for Keeping Your Child's Teeth Healthy Assess Your Pet's Health Related to Parenting & Children’s Health Help for Your Child’s Eczema How Is ADHD Affecting Your Life? Help for Tummy Troubles in Kids The Facts: Kids’ Oral Health Children’s Vision Screening 9 Surprising Reasons to Get More Sleep Health & Parenting Home News Reference Videos Videos Community Questions and Answers Glossary Health & Parenting Guide 1 Baby 2 Toddler 3 Preschooler 4 Grade Schooler 5 Tween 6 Teen See what others are asking about

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2 Cups of Milk a Day Optimal for Most Preschoolers

BySalynn Boyles
WebMD Health News Reviewed byLaura J. Martin, MD

Dec. 17, 2012 -- Milk is an important source of vitamin D and calcium in young children’s diets. But drinking more than two glasses a day may lower how much iron is stored in their bodies, raising the risk for anemia, a new study suggests.

When researchers looked at daily milk intake as it related to iron and vitamin D levels in about 1,300 preschoolers, they found that drinking 2 cups of milk a day seemed optimal for most children, says lead researcher and pediatrician Jonathon L. Maguire, MD, of St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto.

Vitamin D and iron are important nutrients for growing children. Iron plays a critical role in brain development. Iron deficiency has been linked to problems in movement. Vitamin D is important for many reasons, including bone health.

Milk is one of the best sources of vitamin D and calcium, while iron-fortified cereals and meats are among the best sources of iron.

Drinking 3 cups or more of milk was associated with slightly lower ferritin levels in the blood, but the levels were still within the normal range for most children. Ferritin levels indicate how much iron is stored in the body.

The more milk the children drank, the lower their ferritin levels tended to be.

“Milk is an important source of nutrition for young children, but the message to parents is that too much of a good thing may come with a trade-off,” Maguire says.

The Truth About Vitamin D

Iron and Milk

Though parents of preschoolers often ask how much milk their young children should be drinking, Maguire says the answer is not that clear.

He points out that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting cow’s milk to about 2 cups a day for preschoolers, but the group’s committee on nutrition also calls for vitamin D supplements for children who drink less than about 4 cups a day (1,000 mL).

It isn’t clear if drinking milk directly blocks iron absorption or if its impact is less direct.

“Cow's milk doesn’t have much iron, and it may be that kids who drink a lot of it are not eating other foods that are rich sources of iron,” Maguire says. “We really don’t know.”

In the study, published in the journal Pediatrics, each 8-ounce cup of milk a child drank was associated with a 3.5% drop in ferritin levels.

“That may not sound like a lot, but it can add up, especially in children with other risk factors for iron deficiency,” Maguire says.

Supplements Needed for Some

The researchers noted that vitamin D supplements may be important for darker-skinned children or for children who get little vitamin D from the sun. The body makes vitamin D when exposed to sunlight.

Pediatrician Steven Abrams, MD, a member of the AAP committee on nutrition, says parents shouldn’t stress too much about exactly how much of a certain food their child eats, as long as the child is eating a variety of healthy foods.

“Most of the children in this study who drank a lot of milk were not iron deficient,” he says. “The effect of milk on iron status was pretty small.”

In a statement addressing the study, the National Dairy Council pointed out that it is not clear if drinking milk has a direct impact on iron levels.

“This study supports the role and importance of milk in helping children meet their nutrient needs, specifically vitamin D, when following recommended guidelines for milk consumption,” the statement reads.

View Article Sources

SOURCES: 

Maguire, J.L. Pediatrics, Dec. 17, 2012.

Jonathon L. Maguire, MD, MSc, pediatrician, St. Michael’s Hospital, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

Steven Abrams, MD, professor of pediatrics, Baylor College of Medicine; member, American Academy of Pediatrics committee on nutrition.

News release, American Academy of Pediatrics.

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