Friday, December 21, 2012

Social Media, Tweens, and Teens: Pointers for Parents

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WebMD Feature Reviewed byHansa D. Bhargava, MD

Whether or not you're tweeting or sharing your daily thoughts on Facebook, you have to acknowledge it: Interacting with friends online is a fact of life for your children.

"These connections are really integral to the social lives of today's kids," says Caroline Knorr, parenting editor for Common Sense Media, a nonprofit organization that helps families navigate the world of media and technology.

Besides the benefits, there are also risks. That's where you come in.

"It's a parent's responsibility to parent around the technology", says Shawn Marie Edgington, author of The Parent's Guide to Texting, Facebook and Social Media.

Getting Started

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter all require children to be at least 13 years old to join. That's because of the "Children's Online Privacy Protection Act," which limits companies from collecting personal information about kids under 13. "

Some kids younger than 13 dodge those age limits by faking their birth date and setting up an account, whether their parents know it or not. 

"Parents need to ask their children on a regular basis, ‘Do you have a Facebook account? Do your friends?'" Edgington says. She recommends that when you buy your child a cell phone, one of the conditions is that she can't get a Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account until age 13 and you approve it.

If you’re tempted to make an exception for them, you might want to consider the message you're sending if you allow them to break the rules by lying, about whether they're mature enough to behave safely and responsibly, and about what you will do to monitor their activity (such as "friending" them).

Once your child is of age and has your permission, sit down together to set up the account. Use all the privacy restrictions available and don't give unnecessary information like cell phone numbers, Knorr says.

This is also a good time to talk about what not to post, such as your home address, your child's location, and any inappropriate pictures (including those that have "geotagging" that gives away the child's location.)

Instruct her never to "friend" anyone she doesn't know, and never to share her password, Edgington says. Tell her that she can come to you if anything happens online that makes her uncomfortable.

Setting Ground Rules

Write a contract for your child about how they behave on social media. Outline consequences: "If you take away a 16-year-old's cell phone, it's worse than taking away his car," Edgington says.

Remind your child that social rules apply online, Knorr says.

Explain that it comes down to how she wants to portray herself to the world, and that once something is online, it's hard to make it go away. "Everything your child posts is about his image and brand because it's going to be there forever," Edgington says. Colleges and employers check social networking sites and do Google searches on applicants. 

Though the concept of long-term consequences may not click with your child right away, keep reinforcing it.

1 | 2 Next Page > #url_reference {display: none};#url_reference { display: block; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10px; }#logo_rdr img { visibility: visible; }.titleBar_rdr .titleBarMiddle_fmt { padding-top: 1.5em !important;} Top Picks Bedtime Routines to Keep Kids Dry All Night Why Kids Whine and How to Stop Them How to Get Your Kids to Eat Healthier When to Tell Your Kids About Sex 7 Tips for Keeping Your Child's Teeth Healthy Assess Your Pet's Health Related to Parenting & Children’s Health Help for Your Child’s Eczema How Is ADHD Affecting Your Life? Help for Tummy Troubles in Kids The Facts: Kids’ Oral Health Children’s Vision Screening 9 Surprising Reasons to Get More Sleep Health & Parenting Home News Reference Videos Videos Community Questions and Answers Glossary Guide Health & Parenting Guide 1 Baby 2 Toddler 3 Preschooler 4 Grade Schooler 5 Tween 6 Teen See what others are asking about

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Is Your Teen Lying to You?

ByGina Shaw
WebMD Feature Reviewed byHansa D. Bhargava, MD

Trying to figure out if your teen is lying to you can be tricky.

Researchers who study lying and truth-telling among children have found that parents often can't tell when their child is lying.

Since trying to catch your teen in a lie is probably a waste of time, family therapists say you're better off using a different tactic: Make it easier for your teen to tell you the truth.

"Punishing for lying just teaches children to be better liars," says psychologist Laura Markham, PhD, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.

Ideally, you would help your child get comfortable telling you the truth from an early age. But if your child is already a teen, it's not too late to show her that she can be honest with you, if you’re ready to work at it.

“It can take a year of consistently shifting the way you approach lying for your teenager to trust you enough to tell the truth,” says Joe Broome, MA, a family therapist in Renton, Wash.

To start rebuilding the relationship:

Spend time with your teen every day. It doesn't have to be a major event. Just share part of your day with them, one on one. Markham suggests doing something that your teen enjoys, such as getting a manicure or playing video games.   Expect them to test you. "They won't immediately confide in you," Markham says. "They might tell you that their friend Robbie got in trouble because of XYZ. Robbie's a test. If you fly off the handle and say ‘Oh no, do Robbie's parents know about this?' they'll never tell you anything again. But if instead you say, ‘Wow, Robbie must have been so upset. I wonder how he felt. I wonder if lots of kids do this,' you'll encourage him to talk more." Don't overreact. When your teen tells you something that freaks you out, stop and breathe. Bite your tongue if you have to. "When your teen does start confiding in you, it's even more important to really regulate your emotions," Markham says. That doesn't mean that there aren't consequences. You need to clearly define for your teen, ahead of time, how you'll respond if they lie and how much you value honesty. Then you'll need to follow through. Just do it calmly, without flying off the handle. Help your teen problem-solve. Instead of telling him what you think about what he's just confided in you, ask him what he thinks. "If your teenager tells you that other kids are drinking and driving, the impulse is to freak out," Markham says. But taking a simple "Just say no!" approach shuts down the conversation. "Instead, you can say something like, ‘It must be so hard and scary when someone who's been drinking wants you to get in the car. It would be embarrassing to be the one to say something, wouldn't it? What can we do so you're not in that situation?'"

Every parent wants a silver bullet to deal with lying. But there is no such thing.  "It's about building a relationship based on trust," Broome says. "You, as the parent, have to take the lead in that."

View Article Sources Sources

SOURCES:

Joe Broome, MA, family therapist, In It Together Counseling, Renton, Wash.

Talwar, V. Applied Developmental Psychology, 2009. 

Laura Markham, PhD, clinical psychologist; author, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. Telephone interview.

Reviewed on December 19, 2012 © 2012 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved. #url_reference {display: none};#url_reference { display: block; line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 10px; }#logo_rdr img { visibility: visible; }.titleBar_rdr .titleBarMiddle_fmt { padding-top: 1.5em !important;} Top Picks Bedtime Routines to Keep Kids Dry All Night Why Kids Whine and How to Stop Them How to Get Your Kids to Eat Healthier When to Tell Your Kids About Sex 7 Tips for Keeping Your Child's Teeth Healthy Assess Your Pet's Health Related to Parenting & Children’s Health Help for Your Child’s Eczema How Is ADHD Affecting Your Life? Help for Tummy Troubles in Kids The Facts: Kids’ Oral Health Children’s Vision Screening 9 Surprising Reasons to Get More Sleep Health & Parenting Home News Reference Videos Videos Community Questions and Answers Glossary Guide Health & Parenting Guide 1 Baby 2 Toddler 3 Preschooler 4 Grade Schooler 5 Tween 6 Teen See what others are asking about

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Related to Parenting Baby Development Baby Nutrition Bottle Feeding Breastfeeding Family Health Guide Teen Drug Abuse of Cough Medicine Teen Health More Related Topics Top 12 Issues 1. Children's Sleep 2. Sibling Rivalry 3. Fighting Flu 4. Parenting Tweens 5. Healthy Eating 6. HPV Vaccine 7. Kid Hearing Loss 8. Preschooler Milestones 9. ADHD Symptoms 10. Food Allergies 11. Discipline Tips 12. Potty Training 13. Emotional Development Living Healthy Centers Baby & Newborn Balance Children's Health Fitness Food & Recipes Healthy Beauty Pet Health Pregnancy Raising Fit Kids Sex & Relationships Teen Health Women's Health More Family & Parenting This Week on Fit from WebMD and Sanford quesadilla Make a Cheese Tortilla Snack! santa claus How Santa Stays So Jolly and Fit broken heart Is a Broken Heart Real? Today in Parenting family walking on the beach Slideshow Does Birth Order Matter? two boys in a swing Article Is Dirt Good for Kids?   mistakes_parents_make_with_toddlers_2.jpg Article Got Tantrums? Talk Like a Toddler woman with cleaning products Slideshow 10 Steps to Fast, Easy Cleaning   mother and daughter talking Tool Girls and Puberty: Had the Talk? child brushing his teeth Slideshow The Dirtiest Places Kids Will Find   Sipping hot tea Slideshow Home Remedies for Cold and Flu Young woman holding lip at dentists office Video What to Look for in a Pediatric Dentist   Which Vaccines Do Adults Need Article How Adult Vaccines Help Protect Kids rl with friends fitSlideshow Show Your Children How Special They Are   tissue box Quiz Is It a Cold or the Flu? Child with adhd Slideshow What Are the Symptoms of ADHD?   Subscribe to WebMD Newsletters

WebMD Daily Women's Health Men's Health Weight Loss Wisdom I have read and agree to WebMD's Privacy Policy. Submit Sign up for more topics! WebMD Special Sections Top Questions About Family Health How Mom Can Stop Germs Health Solutions From Our Sponsors Vaccine Questions? Low Testosterone? Diabetes Care for Kids Birth Control for Moms Blood Sugar Control Advanced Prostate Cancer? Diagnosed With Low T? Fibromyalgia & Exercise Hearing Aid Alternative Insulin Pump Therapy Vaccines for All Ages Knee Pain Relief Depression & Adults Treating Fibromyalgia Relapsing MS Community In-depth coverage: Psoriasis Treatment on Target?|Healthy Mouth Help|RA Assessment|Living Healthy Guide|Family & Pregnancy Toolbox|Check Your Heartburn Symptoms Find us on:URAC: Accredited Health Web SiteTRUSTe online privacy certificationHonCode: Health on the Net FoundationAdChoicesAbout WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact UsMedscape Reference eMedicineHealth RxList Medscape MedicineNet BootsWebMD WebMD CorporateMedical Dictionary-->First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory

©2005-2012 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

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